If You Want To Be My Friend

So the blog has been pretty depressing and sad (in the words of my husband) as of late so I thought I would bring a little levity to it. Since I have picked up some new readers and I am living in a new town actively seeking a new clique (that one was for you A), I thought I would publish a list of friend requirements.

Being Guavalicious's Friend 101

~Don't be a one upper. Yeah I think it's awesome that your kid is reading already and showing an aptitude for ballet and loves every kind of vegetable. Just don't brag about it to me or I will be forced to mention how my kids sleep from seven until seven and take two to three hours naps.

~Along the same lines, don't show me tons of pictures of your kid. If I want to see them I will ask. And to be honest, pictures of my own kids kind of bore me unless they are doing something especially darling or embarrassing so pictures of your kid probably aren't going to thrill me.

~When I say HSAHD alert (Hot Stay at Home Dad Alert) check the guy out instead of giving me a sideways look. Get it straight, I love my husband. the guy has stuck by me through thick and thin, watches SYTYCD with me, and wants to have sex with me even after I have given a soliloquy about my muffin top. But I am married not dead. Not appreciating a HSAHD is just wrong.

~On that note, feel free to brag about your husband. I like hearing the stories and cooing. Plus it gives me something to tell my husband about. Just don't be surprised if he gives you the stink eye the next time we all hang out.

~Yell at my kid. Well not really, but feel free to discipline them. And don't freak out when I do the same with yours. It takes a village, cheesy but true.

~Feel free to drop by anytime. Just don't expect my kids to be dressed or my house to be clean.

~Go out with me, at night, without the kids and/or partner. Remember who you were before the partner and kids entered the picture? That chick rocks and I love hanging out with her. Everyone will be fine without you, I promise.

~Love me for who I am. I will say it loud and proud: I am an atheist, drinking, cloth diapering, swearing, former breastfeeding mama who loves a good pedicure and dropping money on sushi and shopping. You, total opposite? That's cool. I don't judge, so don't judge me. Hanging out with people exactly like you is boring.

~You don't have to be a mom to be my friend. Really. I promise I don't talk about my kids all the time and I won't make you look at pictures of them.

If you read all that, you must be my friend already or someone who I want to befriend. So call me up. I will buy the first round.