The pacifier fairy made a special delivery this week for Calamity Jane: a Zoe (of Sesame Street fame) doll, plus an extra in case Zoe joins Mom's mobile and those elusive puzzles pieces in the Littles' world. But every time we try to get her to make the trade she shakes her head and runs for her crib to assure herself that the paci is still there. And me, I just go "oh well, maybe tomorrow" while my husband glares at me.
After all it was it was my idea to offer this trade and the husband and I have been pumping it up for weeks. At three Calamity Jane is still a hardcore pacifier addict and even though I love it too i really do think the time has come to give it up. We thought she was weaning herself off of it but no such luck.
Hence the pacifier fairy idea. I was emailing someone about Calamity Jane's deep love for the pacifier and a google ad came up on my side bar for Paci B Gone. Naturally I trotted myself on over to check it out. The price tag seemed a little high and i didn't know if a duck would motivate Miss C. Jane enough so I decided to forge ahead with just the story of the fairy.
But now I can't bring myself to do it. Life seems so hard for Calamity Jane sometimes. Her brain does not process things the way "normal" brains do. Her thoughts move a million times quicker than her mouth. She soldiers on but I can see the toll it takes on her. Sometimes she just puts her arms out and wriggles her hands in frustration. It is as if she is reaching out for something to grasp onto, something physical she can use to express herself. Her comfort in the hardest moments is always her pacifier.
The little voice comes into my head:
"what does it really matter? She JUST turned three!
"And it's not like she carries it around with her, it barely leaves the crib".
"I wouldn't trade my paci for that Zoe doll, it's barely three inches tall. Better to put it off and find something better."
"Let's just do this next week, or after the move, or when's she four. What's the rush?"
I wish I could just outsource this but it's not fair to make my husband the heavy especially considering the long term implications. Can't you just see this being discussed in therapy... "it was the one thing that made me happy and they RIPPED it away from me!" I just don't want to give up being the hero. The supermom who knows just what to offer to make her happy.
Perhaps the Paci B Gone system is that much for a reason. If nothing else it gives the parents assurance in large charts and happy stickers that you are doing the right thing. The bright colors practically scream "You're a good parent!", what more could I ask for? Besides a professional pacifier wrangler. Ah, new career idea. I am totally taking that up. After I break Calamity Jane's heart.