The Nightmares of Moms

It's a glum weekend around here since 3/4ths of the family has been felled by a cold (Calamity Jane can not be felled by a mere cough!) My nights have been filled with fitful sleep interspersed with cold medicine dreams. My dreams are rarely fantastical; they almost always involve people and places from my life, just rearranged in weird ways. So my cold medicine dreams are similar except more richly detailed.

Last night, I had a major nightmare about my husband leaving me. Of course I was devastated. After all I had just caught my husband getting a BJ from a woman in a red bikini in the deep end at a pool party. I, of course, was stuck in the pee infested shallow end trying to keep track of two non swimmers who were intent on paddling away from me as fast as possible. Needless to say, I was wearing a boring one piece. Even in my dreams I can't get rid of my stretch marks.

But the real dream devastation was yet to come. Instead of letting me scream at him he simply walked away. Only to reappear a couple of days later in a new BMW SUV that he had traded my mom-mobile in for. He dropped off the car seats, announced he was moving back to Minnesota to be with his new girlfriend and that I needed to get job ASAP as he wasn't planning on supporting us.

Let's review, stuck alone with two kids, no car, and no money. In small town Missouri (no offense CoMo!). I would much rather be chased by the bogeyman.

My husband would like me to add the disclaimer that this would never ever happen. There is no way he could afford a BMW SUV and besides, he prefers Audis.