You'd Like Me, You'd Really Really Like Me

Happy New Year! Happy 2010!

Yeah, I know that was last week but time moves slowly around here. Technically my new year didn't even start until Monday January 4th because who can start all those healthy new years resolutions on a weekend? Especially on a weekend when one has full time free babysitting (parents in town). And especially not on a New Year's Day that was preceded by a NYE that involved ten straight hours of drinking.

But I am not going to bore you with a list of my resolutions, which are quite typical: save more, eat less, be happier, blah blah blah. I am just going to share one goal with you.

Make some damn friends.

Before you write me off as some internet weirdo, though how I love you my internet friends (shout out to LJ and Twitter), I actually do have a great group of friends. You know that mythical group who has casual fun playdates, mommy happy hours, tries new restaurants, goes on girls weekends, and has no drama? They exist and they are my group of friends. Unfortunately they all live far, far away now.

Before I left i should have gotten them to write me a recommendation letter:

To Whom It May Concern:

Please consider befriending Guavalicious. She will be happy to have you over. Often she has food available and always has coffee, even if you have to make it yourself. If you like to go out without your kids, Guavalicious is your girl. She likes to get out of the house everyday and will laugh at your jokes and be there when you need her.

Because, here in our new town, I am wondering if I have halitosis or a freaky vibe since people avoid me like the plague. Okay, that might be overstating it. It's more like I don't exist. Women here travel in giant packs of strollers and snacks and lots of kids (I swear you are not allowed to only have one child and I count the girls as one since they came at once).

They take up all the chairs at the library. Classes are filled with fast friends. Play groups are arranged and full. The girls and I circulate around the edges and I smile and hand my contact info to people I connect with. But no one calls. I imagine they are all off on a group trip to a pick your own farm.

So I kind of gave up and now I pull out my iTouch or book when the girls are happily engaged somewhere. I speed in and out of preschool drop off (eager for my alone time) and pickup (eager to get them home for nap). In the evenings, the husband and I are watching the entire Battlestar Galatica series and I am reading a ton more (three books already this year).

However, I still miss friends so I am back on the horse. Random knocking on doors didn't work. Handing out my email and phone number to strangers with kids hasn't worked. But I will keep at it. I will join moms groups, I will keep talking up random parents, I will start lingering at the preschool. I have lowered my standards: I will play Bunco, do scrapbooking, and go to a paint your own pottery place. The only thing I draw the line at is Bible study.

Bring it on 2010.

If You Want To Be My Friend

So the blog has been pretty depressing and sad (in the words of my husband) as of late so I thought I would bring a little levity to it. Since I have picked up some new readers and I am living in a new town actively seeking a new clique (that one was for you A), I thought I would publish a list of friend requirements.

Being Guavalicious's Friend 101

~Don't be a one upper. Yeah I think it's awesome that your kid is reading already and showing an aptitude for ballet and loves every kind of vegetable. Just don't brag about it to me or I will be forced to mention how my kids sleep from seven until seven and take two to three hours naps.

~Along the same lines, don't show me tons of pictures of your kid. If I want to see them I will ask. And to be honest, pictures of my own kids kind of bore me unless they are doing something especially darling or embarrassing so pictures of your kid probably aren't going to thrill me.

~When I say HSAHD alert (Hot Stay at Home Dad Alert) check the guy out instead of giving me a sideways look. Get it straight, I love my husband. the guy has stuck by me through thick and thin, watches SYTYCD with me, and wants to have sex with me even after I have given a soliloquy about my muffin top. But I am married not dead. Not appreciating a HSAHD is just wrong.

~On that note, feel free to brag about your husband. I like hearing the stories and cooing. Plus it gives me something to tell my husband about. Just don't be surprised if he gives you the stink eye the next time we all hang out.

~Yell at my kid. Well not really, but feel free to discipline them. And don't freak out when I do the same with yours. It takes a village, cheesy but true.

~Feel free to drop by anytime. Just don't expect my kids to be dressed or my house to be clean.

~Go out with me, at night, without the kids and/or partner. Remember who you were before the partner and kids entered the picture? That chick rocks and I love hanging out with her. Everyone will be fine without you, I promise.

~Love me for who I am. I will say it loud and proud: I am an atheist, drinking, cloth diapering, swearing, former breastfeeding mama who loves a good pedicure and dropping money on sushi and shopping. You, total opposite? That's cool. I don't judge, so don't judge me. Hanging out with people exactly like you is boring.

~You don't have to be a mom to be my friend. Really. I promise I don't talk about my kids all the time and I won't make you look at pictures of them.

If you read all that, you must be my friend already or someone who I want to befriend. So call me up. I will buy the first round.